I always feel like I’m living a dual life. I have 2 separate lives inside of me. They’re not necessarily in conflict with each other, but it is doubly exhausting. I feel like there are 2 Yukaris inside of me. One is the ESL agent and podcaster. She speaks and writes in Japanese. This Yukari hosts Brené Brown book clubs and Zoom chats with her podcast listeners. She also publishes monthly newsletters for Japanese residents on Vancouver Island. Then there is another Yukari, who is a cultural consultant and interpreter. She speaks English and Japanese. She sits on several boards and works with Japanese Canadians. She organizes Japanese cultural fairs and explains the context and nuances of what Japanese people/things mean.
When I’m with non-Japanese people I often find myself answering questions about Japan and Japanese people. That is what cultural consulting is, and I like my job.
Then, when I’m with Japanese people, I have to explain what Japanese Canadians have gone through, what Internment is, and what Redress is, and my Japanese friends ask, “Why do you care so much about this?” “Why do you spend so much time with those folks?”
They mean no harm. They are simple questions. They are just curious.
And I don’t have an answer. I just like hanging out with them. And I don’t see them much different from me - the “Japanese” me.
For me, the line between Japanese and Japanese Canadian or non-Japanese is very fine, but for others, it’s a very clear, thick line.
With my Japanese friends, I can nerd out about old Japanese TV shows and music, and I crave singing old Japanese songs at karaoke. With my Canadian friends I nerd out about Succession and Ted Lasso and podcasts and books.
I know what I’m doing is a code-switching in the broadest sense and nothing unusual. But sometimes I find myself being the only Japanese speaker among Japanese Canadians and I wonder, “What am I doing here?”
I'm sure I'll be talking about identity a lot here, so I won't go into it today, but a few weeks ago I happened to mention that I don't consider myself a “Japanese Canadian”, because I'm a Japanese citizen who happens to live in Canada, and I'm not technically a Canadian, and a few people were surprised to hear that.
I know the answer to the question “Who is a Japanese Canadian?” varies depending on whom you ask. I don’t think there is one answer.
I just don’t consider myself a JC.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about Japanese Canadian issues.
Anyway, that is why I titled this space Dual Perspectives. Sometimes I’m looking at things through Japanese eyes, and other times, I look at things through Japanese-living-in-Canada eyes. For many people the differences here are minute, but for me, they are not.
I know many of my posts will be like this. They often don’t have answers. But if you enjoy this kind of conversation, I’d love for you to subscribe.
Things I listened
This is Love is, as the title suggests, a podcast about love. The host is Phoebe Judge from Criminal, my other favourite podcast. But in This is Love the crime story is at minimal. Each episode is about love - between people, romantic love, family love, sometimes about animals and other objects. I especially enjoyed this episode about a weather man in Chicago. He really, really loves the weather.
I also enjoyed another episode from This is Love. This one was actually about a couple who broke up but started a museum of broken relationships. I especially loved the URL of the museum’s website - brokenships. dot com. BROKENSHIP.
What I’m reading
I read multiple books simultaneously. Currently I am slowly reading Haruki Murakami’s latest novel in Japanese, as well as a collection of essays by Japanese poet Rein Kudo (in Japanese). I recently finished River, Diverted by Jamie Tennant (English) and wrote about it in my Instagram post - I highly recommend it and I want someone to make a movie out of this book.
At Brené Brown Book club we are almost finished with Rising Strong (English). I am also in a middle of reading The Body Keeps the Score.
What I watched
My husband and I finished watching the Succession series on Sunday and I am mildly devastated. My current favourite show is Somebody Somewhere (Apple TV+) . We also started watching American Born Chinese on Disney + and it is pretty good too.
That’s it for today. Thanks for reading, and if you liked it, please share with your friends.